--I'd like to note that about a year has passed (at time of writing) since I have played ME2. Also I have not yet completed any of the DLC--
10. Riding the Tricycle
Getting the crudities out of the way first, ME2 had a jaw dropping number of potential partners for you to tango with on the cold steel floor of the docking bay. There really was something for everyone with perfect genetically engineered lovers to psychopathic psychics. Gay sex, alien sex, gaylien sex, sex that results in death, sex that puts the partner in legitimate danger... that game had it all.
So really where is there to go from there?
Answer: Three-way.
9. Joker will Die
I know that everyone loved playing as him for a brief stint in ME2, but Seth Green's character is just to damn likable to keep around. Think Sargent Johnson in Halo. Come to think of it, EDI is a little reminiscent of Guilty Spark...
Don't think it's beyond Bioware to take this out of your control. So far Joker has been the one character you have seemingly no effect on. This makes him the perfect victim of fortune needed to raise the stakes for the final chapter.
Though his ability to be killed by a firm wad of paper leads me to believe he might make it through to the end.
8. You will be Betrayed
No, no... not in the way Saren did it (by betraying every non-reaper race in the universe at the same time). This betrayal will be much more personal. Expect your lover to do it out of the sheer motivation that you love her too much. Remember the whole Bastilla ordeal in Knights of the Old Republic? Remember how much that sucked? Oh, I'm the only one who liked her? Fine.
Still, it is Bioware, so give her a firm hand-back to the face and she'll snap out of it and get back to making love to you... provided you always pick the nice option.
7. The Galactic Council will Continue to be Pricks
Do I really need to explain this one? Is it really not clear?
6. The Illusive Man finds Himself in the Unemployment Line
I haven't checked the Intergalactic NASDAQ lately but I have a feeling Cerberus is down a point or two. Don't get me wrong, they did as well as a racist terrorist organization can do in this economic climate but they took a massive risk by putting all their eggs in the Shepard basket.
Which brings us to the Illusive Man. He literally makes every decision for the company. If there is a chain of responsibility, he is the rusty link everything connects to. He can't even claim to run a tight, yet morally ambiguous, ship with all of the supervisor-employee relationships and assaults on company property by government military organizations.
Still, the only person that could fire The Illusive Man is the boss-guy himself, and he remains...
well, illusive.
5. You Will See Tali
There is one major... MAJOR... caveat to this and that is it will only happen if you pick the right options. I would guess she has to be your paramour but there is a fair chance it will only happen if you manage to get her killed. Does that seem sick? You bet it is! Sicker than Tali is when she leaves her sterility suit!
Zing. Quarian burn.
4. Carrying Your Game Over Will Once Again, not be All That Worth It
Mass Effect is becoming quite the commitment isn't it? If you want to milk the full experience out of the game, you're going to have to sit down and replay the first two all over again so it's all fresh in your mind. It did seem cool that all the decisions you made in the first game were going to have HUGE CONSEQUENCES in the second game, and that only you had access to this great honor for having the gusto to play through both.
And if you were lazy you could just tell Miranda and Jacob everything you think you did in the first game, and the universe just worked around it. Pretty sure we mastered that technology in Knights of the Old Republic 2... and that was done by Obsidian.
3. Mass Effect 4
Call me jaded. Do it. You wouldn't be without cause. Halo 4 made me jaded. I know, I know... don't blame a huge flaw in my personality on one game release.
But now the concept of "the trilogy" has been ruined for me forever.
I'm the only one who doesn't seem to worship the earth that Bioware walks on and so I realize that they're out for profit like everyone else.
Soon you'll see... you'll all see!!!
2. More Death
If you managed to get Shepard through ME2 without getting him killed, I have good news: You will have equal opportunity to do so in ME3 (if not more). In fact, don't be surprised if you lose your entire team one by one survival horror style. Fire Emblem has been killing people of for realsies since the 90's and those games are fantastic.
1. Game of the Year
I want you to sit down and think for a good solid hour if Mass Effect is really the best game of the year. I am aware that this is next year we're talking about and the game isn't out yet and stuff stuff bloopity blopity etcetera.
Out of all of the predictions on this list, this is the one I am most certain of. Everyone already knows how ME3 is going to play out because everyone has been playing Bioware games for the past decade.
Mass Effect is an engrossing choose-your-own-ending novel framed by shooting galleries. The gameplay and plot both have strengths in their own merit but never seem to come together. Pacing will be hindered for both by the existence of the other and morality systems have become such a standard for games now, that the inclusion of one just seems stale.
But I'm crazy. Bioware makes good games. Everyone should come kick me because I'm so crazy.
No comments:
Post a Comment